


The Rose Without Thorns

by Night2ingale



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Action, Adventure, Broken Hearts, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-03-06 04:05:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13403094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Night2ingale/pseuds/Night2ingale
Summary: When an broken hearted adviser rises to Kings personal adviser , She learns that maybe her job isn't so bad as it seems.But the past has a way of getting in the way of the future and the path isn't so clear.After all .... a rose without thorns is easily broken.





	1. Introduction

" Sometimes It's best to live in blissful ignorance , for being unaware of betrayal doesn't hurt at all " 

Sometimes I sit back and rethink my entire life , the centuries I spent in blissful ignorance perhaps of the one truth I did not know.And I wish I never discovered it. How ironic it is to know the truths of others hearts and yet be so unaware of the truth of a heart that was by my side for so long ... a heart I believed truly loved me. Even if the words were never spoken. Just goes to show you ... actions can be as hollow as words. 

Sometimes I wonder was I willfully blind for so long .. or perhaps I was so concerned with the affairs of those I served that I did not guard my own affairs too well. But isn't that always the case , all of us get lost looking over others .. minding them or even envying there lives over are own . We become so blind as to what we have . We take it for granted. Until one day we come home ... and home is just an empty house devoid of any true emotions. It's only then we realize what we actually had ... and what we actually lost.

But I guess even being alone has it's advantages , after all the only more influential person in mirkwood other than me will be the king himself . After today , things could only get better.I wish I could have realized how much better my life was to become and learned to accept it sooner. 

It may have saved everyone some heartbreak and trouble . The stars know there has been enough of that to last a lifetime.

 

My name is Aurorialis Neluinan . I am the High Adviser To The King and I vow to never fail him as I failed myself. 

" How wonderful it is to gift others with the perfect advice. Now .. if only I could listen to my own advise and be so clear. "


	2. In The Mirror

As I stand in front of the golden encrusted mirror , I find myself drawn to the detail in which it was crafted , the attention , the love , the passion , the detail in which it was created. I wondered what it was like to have a job you feel such strong passion for, a job you chose .. a job you loved without regret. 

Soon enough I was drawn back to the reflection , an elven woman I could barely recognize . A woman who looked as brave as she did bold.If only everyone saw the cracks in her eyes and the flatness of her smiles. The scars of being an adviser for so long, everything was fake nothing was real. Everything was procedure ... Nothing was free. But then again if everyone saw that .. well no one would want the profession any more. 

The woman in the mirror had soft olive skin , she was of below average elven height. But what she lacked in height she made up for in her posture. Standing tall and proud no one would know how powerless she was towards the ever changing world. She wore a pale white dress embellished with a golden corset that settled gently over broad hips. She was not without shape. Gentle golden leaves decorated her dress piling onto the end . The fabric was light and soft not meant for cold weather. The sleeves where long and elegant drooping down so to give her an elegant air.The woman had dull olive eyes that in the past would shine so bright that they could stop any man in her path . But now days they simply reflected the emptiness of her home and heart. Her hair pushed over to her right side trailing down below her chest , braided tightly on the left side to ensure it stayed in place. Her hair burned with the fiery sparks of a dragon in the dying of the sunlight , resembling that of dying embers . A frightfully beautiful Auburn. 

And yet ...... I did not wish to to admit that indeed that woman in the mirror was me . I found my heart disquiet ... Had I changed so much that I did not know who I was ?. But my time in the silence had ended as I hear little feet upon the group running eagerly into the room , not caring for the swinging door or the noise caused by it. A young elfling had ran in , with blond hair and the brightest blue eyes he sat upon the bed as if it were his own smiling bright at me. 

I looked at him through the mirror as I gently pulled the fabric of my dress into place.

" Hello little leaf , I was not aware you were allowed out so early unsupervised. " 

Legolas smiled innocently and she knew instantly he has snuck away from his nana again. His bright smile brought happiness and pain to my heart in equal measure and yet I would never turn him away. I knew the elfling well since after his mother died I helped to mind him as a favor to the female elf who was charged with watching him. I regret not one moment of it. He was now a regular visitor. I barely saw his father however. Only in court and perhaps a glance at a celebration. But ever since his wife passed away he was seen less and celebrations were not so as grand. But then again grief does that to a person.

I brought my hands to my hair fixing it as I realised he would not respond to my comment. Smart lad had figured by now lying to me was useless. He lay down watching me as he snuggled down into the pale rose petal pink silk sheets on the large bed that I wished to climb back into and sleep for about another century or so. 

" Rora ? Do I have to go to the gathering , it's going to be boring " 

I smiled softly , His soft voice was hopeful as if I had the right to allow him to stay home from the gathering when in reality I had no power over that .

" What does your Ada say ? " 

I replied as softly as I could , I knew the answer of course . Legolas even though a child , he was a prince and a prince was expected to attend all these dreadfully dull occasions. ... though one or two of them I did enjoy. Legolas had apeculiar habit of coming to me when his father told him something he dislikes.

" Ada told me I have to , But I don't want to " 

" Legolas you must obey your father " 

" But it will be boring ... with old people " 

I laughed softly at his comment and as he wrinkled his nose as if disgusted at the thought . He must have learned that from his father. I turned around to face him and brought my hands to my hips playfully as I raised an eyebrow . 

" I'll be there . Does that mean I am old and boring ?" 

His eyes widened and he began to scramble backwards on the bed as I approached him like a snow leopard stalking her pray. 

" No , no Rora .. Your fun and not old " 

He giggled most likely guessing what was to happen. I quickly leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him capturing him in a hug before tickling him. 

" How dare his majesty call a lady out on her age. " I laughed softly as I Tickled him. 

He giggled wildly , unable to talk as he tried to scramble away from me. After a few moments of tickling him I released him and lay down next to him for a moment forgetting about my hair or my clothing. He lay there beside me giggling as he caught his breath and I smiled wildly at his laugh. 

When we both calmed I turned to look at him and smiled 

" Come on little leaf and I take you back to the palace " 

" But Rora I wanna stay here with you " 

" No buts , I bet you'll be in enough trouble as it is . " 

He frowned but nodded understanding I was right and that I would not allow him to travel back on his own. 

I got up and held my hand out to him. His small hand took mine and off we went singing a small elven tune that he had taught me.


	3. Game of Patience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A tiny bit shorter , My apologies . I was exhausted today.

" I guess I didn't truly understand the benefits of this occupation " 

Perhaps it was the pure childish innocence of the little elfling that walked by my side , that made a small smile appear on my thin lips. It felt almost awkward since I was used to false smiles , laughing at jokes that no one truly finds amusing .

As I walked with Legolas in glourious sunlight I founf myself relaxing as he pointed out various things. 

" Look Rora , Look " 

Legolas exclaimed as he pointed at a sapphire butterfly walking along the edge of a fountain wall. How closely he seemed to watch everything . A skill that undoubtedly would be of use in the future. He broke away from my clasp he ran towards the butterfly soon showing as he walked carefully towards the butterfly , using the small hands he caught the butterfly gently . When I caught up with him , he was peering in at the trapped butterfly. 

" Perhaps you should release it Legolas " 

" But Rora I want to show it to Ada " 

" Is it fluttering against your hands. " 

Legolas giggled and I knew the poor thing was fluttering against his hands. 

" Then it is frightened , would you like being caught by a larger creature , whom you cannot communicate with " 

He shook his head regretful and opened his hands released it. 

" Sometimes it is best to admire from afar " 

He nodded and returned to my side , taking my hand once more. And we turned only for me to freeze on the spot. The smile vanishing from my lips. 

" My Lord " 

I released Legolas hand and bowed deeply my heart hammering in my chest. Legolas however smiled brightly and ran from my side 

" Ada ! " 

He squealed happily as he ran to his father hugging him. I kept my gaze low , of course I had seen the kind before. In my line of work I saw him often , spoken to him. But always in the context of work. Standing before him now. I was unsure of how to truly act , especially since I had his son who had snuck out. Things were not looking so good for me now. Thranduil was known to have a quick temper when it came to Legolas's safety and I would rather not be on the receiving end of that temper. 

" You may rise " 

He spoke in his usual monotone voice and I relaxed slightly as were he angry I would know it by now. Slowly I straightened my stance. 

" My Lord , it is both an honor and a pleasure to see you " 

I soon realized that , that may not have been the correct thing to say as when I replied in my most polite voice , he seemed somewhat annoyed at it but nodded softly . I couldn't help but wonder what I said wrong . 

" You are Aurorialis Neluinan , to be my new adviser , are you not ? " 

I instinctively tried to fix my hair panicking as to how unprofessional I looked when I noticed the small smirk upon his lips. Almost invisible .. .I don't think ill ever even admit to myself why I was looking in that direction in the first place. He knew exactly who I was , of course he did. I technically worked for him for centuries , New title same sort of duties only now .. a bit more stressful. Being as respectful as I could be , despite my anger I replied calmly. 

" Indeed I am my lord " 

" I find myself curious as to what my son was doing with you " 

I saw Legolas look down fiddling with his hands. 

" I found him playing nearby when I was walking milord . I noticed that he was alone and offered to walk him back to the palace " 

" I see " 

The king hummed almost , as if debating my words. Legolas nodded eagerly and when the king was watching him . I winked at the elfling and he returned it trying not to giggle. I knew it was dangerous to lie to the king but at the same time ... I liked the feeling I got seeing Legolas smile so brightly. Perhaps I was being selfish ... Perhaps because it reminded me of another elfling I knew once. 

The king returned his gaze to me and I found myself avoiding it. He was intimidating and I had a feeling he was trying to catch me out and that irritated me. 

" I must return to the palace to prepare for tonight. I bid you a Good day and I expect to see you later Aurorialis " 

" Of course my Lord " 

" Perhaps you should brush your hair also " 

He turned his back to me but not before I saw the broad smirk and biting back my temper I answered calmly 

" Of Course my lord " 

It was like a game of patience , and currently I felt like the pawn. 

Legolas waved as he followed his father and I waved also 

" Oh and Aurorialis , Do try to not lie to me in future. " 

I felt my heart freeze in my chest but all I could hear was a low chuckle.


	4. The Past

" The past is like our darkest enemy it resides in us , it kills us , The past can be worse than any blade to an elf. The past holds the pain that cannot be described and at any moment it can make or break you. 

I stand on the verge of a cliff at night and I know that if i jump ill either fall or fly and yet I stand still not moving forward or back. Stuck when the world passes me , and I am left behind for i know not what to do not how to do it. For I burned my map long ago and the instructions brought with it.

I know the pain , the suffering that occurs when you are helpless for I have stood in the night , screaming at the moon , desperate attempts to reclaim what was lost. But how powerless was I that I could only scream ... How powerless I was that dark , lonely night " 

 

I guess we all try to save others , because saving ourselves thats the hard thing. We hide behind walls built so tall and so thick that even areselves dont see the cracks forming on the innear layer. We only notice when the wall cracks and crumbles but sometimes to build something better you must destroy the old. 

As I walked that night dressed in black and gold an usual combination for my kind but not colors I felt most comfortable in. I moved like shadows unnoticed and silent. I watched from the sidelines almost , as many beautiful elven maidens walked in escorted by there partners. I found my heart was heavy and I was unsure if I should go in . Today was not a good day for my mind. For the past had settled like a dark cloud that could not be lifted until it cleared naturally. But it felt like it was a storm that had been building for some time. Then again it was that time of year again. 

I eventually worked up the courage to go in , for if I lost my job I would have nothing else. I lived to work , to serve that was my life now. As I rose my head I felt the familiar rise of power and confidence return. Maybe it was fake , an act but I didn't care . It got me through things so I didn't care after that. 

The palace was lit up beautifully and I admired the dancing lights of flickering candles as they danced without form. Individual flames all shining as one. It was the small things in which I took delight and as I took a glass of wine I began to relax. I didn't even really drink it , just having it in my hand standing back in the palace after so long felt right and familiar . Somehow the palace felt more like home than even home did. I glanced around admiring the many dresses of elven maidens that danced around the hall. For an elf i wasn't a particularly good dancer. I could sing and proudly so but dancing was something I had never truly achieved despite my mother's strict instructions it appeared best if I actively avoided the entire activity.

I soon found myself walking to the balcony and glancing up into the starry sky. Such beautiful diamonds in an ocean of black. How something so dark seemed so beautiful.

I sensed another's presence and I turned to go when I felt a grand on my shoulder.

" Please , do not leave simply because I came. "

I knew that voice anywhere , for it was the voice of a king. I felt the fear run through me and I knew not how to react. I froze half turned. Somehow I could sense this would become a habit for him. Catching me off guard like this.

I turned slowly and bowed my head " forgive me milord. I wasn't aware you were here "

" perhaps because I was not. I simply walked out only a moment ago "

To say I felt awkward was an understatement. I was beyond awkward and yet I knew it was simply because I lacked the procedure for an occasion like this.

Soon enough I felt something tugging at my dress and looking down I saw Legolas . He smiled brightly at me before a small frown stained his face   
" Rora, why are you sad ? "

I looked surprised and I could feel the Kings gaze on me.   
" I am not sad. Little leaf " I spoke gently to him. But my heart hammered in my chest.

Thranduil looked at his son with a somewhat softened expression

" Legolas why do you think Aurorialis is upset ? "

" Rora chews her lip when she is sad " Legolas replied seemingly dishearted as he watched me intently. I had forgotten how much that little boy seemed to notice. I had indeed been chewing my lip. A clear sign I was nervous and upset.

Thranduil looked at me and I fixed my composure " Forgive me. My mind is elsewhere tonight "

" the stars they beckon to you also ? "

" I fear I do not understand to what you speak ? "

" Some believe that the stars are messengers of those we lost.   
I'm simply asking do they call you tonight "

I looked down understanding to what he referred to and I nodded slowly before speaking though my voice was barely a whisper

" They scream to me milord but I hold no answers nor do they ever reply to my questions "

Thranduil seemed saddened and looked at Legolas " Legolas could you leave me and Aurorialis alone "

" but Ada me and Rora were going to play "

" shhh now. I'm sure you will have time later "

Legolas reluctantly left us both and an awkward silence filled the air until he broke it.

" Lose someone close ? "

" Havent we all ? "

" your pain seems fresher than most "

" its old enough. But I've yet to find the strenght to let it go. "

" ... I won't lie. I too wait for the pain to disappear and the sleepless nights to be filled with peace once more. "

I looked at him and for a moment all I could see was a husband grieving his lost wife.

" my son tells me. ... your son went away"

He spoke carefully but even his gentle tone or careful words could not prevent my heart from cracking open. Raw and vunerable.

I knew I could not speak about it. Nor did I wish to lash out   
I bowed quickly " forgive me... I cannot "   
My voice was dangerously close to breaking and I rose quickly before hurrying out.

I could hear him calling me but I could not even see in front of me clearly as tears flowed down my high cheekbones to stain my dress

As the doors of the palace shut behind me I heard the shouting of a little boy

" RORA !"

But I kept walking. Turning back meant facing something.   
Something I simply couldn't.

So I stand atop that cliff once more. The option to fall or fly, to seek the heavens or the depths and yet I simply walk back away from the choice.   
Stuck   
Lost   
And never moving forward.


	5. Old Friends bring old pain

" Sometimes the trick is not letting go , its simply accepting it will always be with you and that , that becomes what you make it. Be it good or be it bad. It will stay with you " 

The next morning I awoke as If I had spent the entire eve drinking. My head ached with the vengeance of the gathering sleepless nights and I found myself unable to rise. As I looked down at myself I saw I had not bothered to change into my night clothes , instead I lay in the awkward dress which explained the stiffness of my posture. Slowly the events of the previous night came back to me and I felt the pain also return along with the mortification of the fact that I had fled from the king and from the palace in such an undignified manner. I felt like just lying here for eternity. I knew not what to do , how was I . My life had always been laid out for me all I had to do was do as I was told and now I was discovering situations in which I was unprepared for. 

How pathetic......... in all the centuries I have lived ....... I cannot function on my own still. 

I closed my eyes tightly , would this pain ever go ? . 

While thinking of the pain I remembered the conversation I held with the king . 

" Do the stars call to you also ? " 

Such gentle words and yet their was pain in them also. He was included in that. The stars still called him too. How hard it must be to rule a kingdom and be so utterly alone. I wondered if this world was all black and white or is that what I used to see. Everything had normally been so clear. If I didn't know what to do I would go to my mother or my father and now ... now I had turned them away. Isolated myself and now I am truly alone. 

I heard the distant knocking at my door but I did not rise. Whoever it was could go away and leave me be. I cared not for the future. The next hour concerned me more. But then a voice I knew all to well .... Or I used to think I knew so well . Turns out you never know someone too well. They are all full of surprises and he was no exception. I definitely did not wish to see him but his voice persisted to call me to the door. 

I slowly rose from the bed and trailed slowly and stiffly to the door opening it partially to hide my disheveled state. 

" Ethial , To what do I owe thee pleasure " 

My voice came out tired and plain I was in no mood for airs and graces. 

" I got a message that it may be wise to come check on you " 

" And from whom did you receive that message " 

" The whom is not important Aurorialis " 

" Using my full name now ? I'm surprised you remember my name at all " 

I could not deign the pain or bitterness in my voice for the man that stood tall and proud now , with hair as dark as the deepest ocean and eyes as bright as the daylight sky. A 

whom I used to walk side by side with . A man who had taken my heart and gave it as a gift to another. I did not wish to see him , nor speak and yet he forced the door open with little effort. 

" You have grown bitter " He replied calmly , his voice was somewhat soft and I knew from his eyes and his unwillingness to meet mine that he pitied me. That only made my anger soar. 

" This is my home , you chose to leave so stay out " 

" The years have made you bitter , you are not the woman I remember you as " 

" Did you not expect me to change , did you not expect what you did not to hurt. People change Ethial . especially when you hurt them and at this time of year... do you mourn nothing , do you feel nothing ? " My voice cracked and became more high pitched as I felt the frenzy of pain and anger swirling within me so harsh I could not hope to contain it

" Your wrong about that. I mourn just as you do but I do not let it control my life. You should learn that the past is the past Aurorialis and that clinging onto it will bring back nothing instead you will lose everything in the present. I am sorry for my role in it but we both knew it would never last " 

" No ... both of us didn't ... Leave now " 

I watched him turn away and once the door shut and I was alone , I sank to my knees . But before I closed my eyes. Outside the window I caught a glimpse of blond hair but I didn't take much notice for the pain ripping at my heart had stolen my breath and I lay on the floor unable to move.

I must have fallen asleep , for I cannot remember what happened apart from the feeling of someone lifting me up and putting me back into bed with a whispered 

" I'm sorry " 

Ethial ...........


	6. A New beginning with old rules.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys its short and super late. I've been sick and busy lately so Its been hard to write. I hope to get on track soon . Thanks

“ Sometimes to start anew one must return to the old “ 

Perhaps it was the pain in my chest or the darkness before my eyes. But something snapped in me as I woke up to golden light streaming through windows no longer guarded by the curtains. It was by that , that I knew I had not went to bed on my own that night. That and the state of my tear stained face. My memory of the previous night was torn and faded , a sign it was best not to try and remember it.   
I glanced over at the mirror and stared in shock at the pale woman who stared back at me. This could not be me and yet it was , it was me . When had I fallen so far ? , when had I thrown away everything just so I could let pain corrupt my heart and soul.   
But most of all …. How did I not see before now how broken I was inside and why didn’t I stop it.   
Yet a part of me knew….. to shed ones old life one must break and fall to rise from ashes.   
I dragged myself out of bed and stood before the mirror when I remembered something Lord Elrond had told me a year ago now 

~ You’ll wake up one morning and discover this life is not yours and that is when it shall change for the better. Do not let pride stop this from happening.  
At the time I had shrugged it off. Refused to believe a word of it. I took a deep shaky breath as I wiped my eyes carefully . It would not be easy to walk a new path after wandering this one so long. But I could see now if I continued I would lose everything. I still had my life , my work. It’s about time I began to put more than effort in. It was time to put my soul in like the days of old.

Rule 1 :An advisor must always look her best. That is rule number one , its critical to pose yourself to show no sign of weakness especially when you are advisor to the king. You speak on his behalf , so any weakness of yours is shown as a weakness of the king. It’s my duty to ensure any weakness of the kings isnot shown or exploited.   
Rule 2 : An Advisor must stand like she rules a kingdom. Posture is important for an Advisor , standing timidly is less likely to get you heard than standing tall and intimidated and considering shouting is always present in the court to be heard is hard enough

There are many more rules but these two will be my foundations . Truth will be a misconception to me , threats will be my best friend and cunning my mentor. I would love to say that I hate the job but as much as it must seem this way , that is far from the case , for when I stand there in front of all others , I feel powerful . I feel like a Queen.   
The only thing I hate was my lack of choice and perhaps its methods. But I won’t reflect on the past this morn. No .. I shall look forward to the future. Ethial has reminded me of what I had lost and what I never had.   
This evening I will go to the court , I will stand by the King and show no fear no hesitation. My heart may stop but I will succeed. I’m tired of feeling weak and tired , tired of this hurt in my chest. I need to get rid of it.


	7. Chapter 7 : Moving Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone ,   
> I apologize for disappearing, between exams and life things have been rocky lately. But I have refound my muse and hope to be back on track.   
> Please let me know what you think of the chapter :) I love hearing from all of you   
> and thank you for those who have commented and liked this story.

“ I always believed in not letting the past define you , in not letting events scar you and yet I let it. I let it mark me, in all the ways I vowed not to. I once believed it would be ugly , a burden to bare and hide but now I see it, these scars that make us beautiful , beautiful relics of sorrow and regret , like a lone tear down pale skin. There is beauty in sorrow and no need to hide it. Yet we all show it in different ways , some in silence and some in war…….. “ 

“ Enough Nerial , I think you mistake this court for a dwarvish one , their is no need to raise your voice or fists in this matter. You will either behave appropriately or you will be removed from the palace the choice is yours “ My voice held a strength to it that it had lacked for years and thus it held more command that it ever did. 

The female , with Amber eyes and dark hair looked at me as if hoping to stare me down , but I simply returned the stare , not looking intimidated or amused. The icy glare I held seemed to startle her as it caused her gaze to lower and so she submitted. 

“ I simply believe that the kings inaction towards these claims is unwise “   
Her voice lacked the same power and the advisers watched her like scavenges as they decided whom to cast their vote on , even if I was the one to hold the final say. 

“ Were the King to declare war over every claim their would never be peace and we both know that. Let us not waste time on rumours but rather on real threats. I’ve seen more and more reports on the Spiders in the forest , they are venturing unnaturally close to our walls are they not ? “ 

In that moment an elder rose , looking as tight and proper as possible even in an elven court. 

“ Given your personal history , perhaps you should withdraw and let us handle that “ 

While he spoke politely , it was also sharp , like everything in court it was a double sided blade and one I would not simply let lie. 

“ I doubt the safety of our merchants and of our allies are personal Advisor Ha’val or are you suggesting that you lack the same concern ? and that we should tend to those within the walls only ? “   
I raised an eyebrow gently but their was nothing gentle in my words . I was challenging him and he knew it.This was a typical day at court and while it may seem that I was tense and on full defence it was true but what isn’t shown is the way it makes my heart rise , or my confidence boom. I was raised in the court , I had the power to overturn all their decisions with a wave of my hand , I could start a war and end one with words alone and no one would even notice. In a way , my job made me feel like a goddess and I liked it …. more than I wanted to every admit. 

Power does that , it is addicting , its safety and danger the two things we all long for. But I wasn’t the only one who knew that, the elder advisor had turned cold as ice and glared at me , but I didn’t flinch . But before I could respond I noticed his demeanour change completely and I became aware that we advisers where not alone any longer. As the others bowed my thoughts were confirmed and so I turned and instantly bowed with as gentle grace as I could. 

The king nodded gently but held up a hand dismissing us from our duties as I turned to leave , I heard his familiar voice , strong and yet gentle at the same time. 

“ Except You Aurorial , I wish to speak to you “ 

When an advisor hears that , it screams danger , but all that went through my mind was what had happened at the previous gathering , it had been too much to hope that it could be left be. I turned around gently and nodded , lowering my gaze slightly in respect. 

“ Of course milord “ 

He walked passed me , his golden , silver en-crested robe flowing out behind him . I followed as graceful as I could but I felt like a young doe attempting to walk proud after its mother. 

“ Legolas informs me that you like cats ?” 

He spoke as he sat down, crossing his legs in a relaxed yet proper fashion. The question caught me off guard and I looked like a startled cat myself for a moment. 

“ Excuse me ? milord ? “ 

“ Cats , do you like them ? “ 

I nodded slowly , my voice hesitant as I struggled to understand the importance of the question and its true intention. But the king looked as calm as ever. 

“ I do milord “ 

“ Why ? , I wouldn’t think you as an animal lover “ 

A part of me took offence to that , but thankfully I remembered who I was speaking to and so I remained composed , or as composed as a surprised elf can manage. 

“ I love all animals milord , but I tend to get on best with cats. The felines do not require as much attention as others and is happy to be alone for a few hours while I work. When I return they provide comfort and company. A cat will not run off and tell my secrets to another “ 

“ So you like them because you can trust them ? , have you no one to trust Aurorial ? “ 

The king sounded mildly curious and it made me wary 

“ I am an advisor milord , I haven’t the time nor the desire to seek friendship “ 

Their was something unreadable in the kings eyes and so I looked at him trying to decipher whatever emotion was hidden within him , but it soon faded and he looked over at a guard raising his hand as if ordering to fetch something. Within a few moments a servant entered carrying a small basket and held it out to me , in the basket was a kitten , a small tiny thing with a snow white coat with ginger patches the most dominant one being around its right eye. When it opened its eyes , one was a crystal blue , the other eye however was scarred badly and wouldn’t open . 

As I looked closer I noticed , the eye was open but it was that it had lost its left eye. I felt pity for the tiny thing. 

“ Legolas found it in the gardens , he wished to give it to you as a gift. But he fears he may upset you and so he asked me to give it. He wishes you to be happy again “   
The king spoke calmly but their was curiosity again present , over what I could not say . I held the basket to my chest and the kitten stood up unsteady and purred as it looked up at me , I found it hard to focus on the elven king but I forced myself to bow my head at least. 

“ Thank you milord , and thank my lord Legolas please “ 

The king nodded 

“ You may go now , I expect the reports in the evening “ 

“ Of course milord “   
As I turned to leave I heard him speak again 

“ Oh and Aurorial …. I do like how you managed Court today . It is good to see you back in charge “ 

A small smile appeared on my lips 

“ It is good to be back Milord “ 

I spoke ever so softly and gently petted the kittens head , whom returned the affection with a loud purr and brushed against my hand and so I began the walk home , with my new furry companion . Instead of being filled with old memories that would bring pain like I normally would have … I found myself smiling , maybe I could still make my house a home. Perhaps all was not lost.   
Perhaps I was not .


	8. Goodbye Grey world

“ It’s so easy to see people as good and bad , things as black and white. Grey ….. I don’t know how to deal with. But life often forces us to deal with things in which we do not want to deal with.   
In doing so ….. we realise we may have only being seeing things we wanted to see “ 

As I walked home , the birds seemed to sing more joyfully, did they ever sing this much ?. Had I been so disconnected that I had forgotten to look around me. I felt like a silly little girl. Funny how despite how old I am ….. I still have so much to learn.   
As I looked at the kitten I was reminded of the warmth in my heart , little Legolas ……. I should have known he sees more than he lets on , just like his father. He would make a good King someday.

My thoughts were interuptted as I neared my house. Their was a male with the darkest hair and the brightest eyes waiting , a male who used to make my heart jump with excitement . I felt my shoulders tense for now he only served as a reminder that even I can be fooled. Ethial ….. I looked down at the kitten whom seemed to notice my mood change. The kitten purred gently and head butt my chin , I smiled and ran a hand through its fur 

“ I’m ok little one “ I murmered gently as I approached him though I think I was more comforting myself than the Kitten.But something felt different seeing him now , I did not feel raw pain or anger , instead I felt tired. I just wanted this to stop haunting me. . 

He looked over at me and bowed his head   
“ Aurorialis , I came to apologise “ 

I held my hand up , dismissing him 

“ No need . tis my fault . You caught me at a bad time. It will not happen again “ 

“ I’d like to talk about it “ 

“ I do not . Ethial for the last few years you are right , I did turn bitter , cold even. But I do not want it to continue so let us not dig up old pain What is done is done , no words can make it better only worse. We both were at fault . You chose your path and I chose mine “ 

“ Is it that simple ?” 

He seemed almost hurt , but I had spent enough time mourning him , mourning our life. 

“ Nothing is ever simple , but sometimes you have to make it. I loved you Ethial I was never angry that you did not love me. I was hurt that you lied about it. But most of all , I was full of sorrow because I trusted you and when we lost Orien I lost you too. We promised long before we were wed, long before our parents had even arranged it that we would always be there for one another and when I needed you most you turned your back on me and walked away. 

I do not understand why Ethial and to be honest I do not wish to know . What I wish for is to move on. I am tired of the pain , the grief and sorrow, Tired of seeing nothing but the darkness in the world nothing but the things I have lost and the mistakes I have made. For the first time since it all fell apart I am feeling hope , I do not wish to lose that Ethial by losing my mind to the past once more. I understand I’ll see you in Court and if you fear I can’t handle it I assure you I can. But stop trying to be my friend , because I can’t bring myself to forgive you , gods grant me mercy but I cannot “ 

“ Aurorialis ….. I am truly sorry , I know I abandoned you and I know it is not right of me to show up and pretend to be your friend , but do you truly wish to lose everything we had “ 

“ You should have thought of that Ethial. Because I cannot bring myself to forgive you and so …. I must let you go. Now if you’ll excuse me , this little thing must be starving. “ 

With that I walked pasted him , after all what could I say ? . I knew it was wrong of me , perhaps even selfish but I could not forgive him , let alone trust him again . Besides I knew he was hiding something from me , someone had sent him , someone had told him to apologize the only problem with that is Ethial was always very proud … So it must be someone of great influence that told him to do so. Someone he could not refuse and yet , I could not thing of a single person who would do that. 

I sighed softly as I entered my home , the kitten grew curious and jumped out of the basket and began to look around , sniffing the air. 

“ I suppose I cannot keep referring to you as tiny thing hmmm perhaps Estelwen . You shall be called Estelwen my little piece of hope. I fear however I’m in for a night of work as it was in the past is now and ever shall be. It seems that my life may be on the mend and yet I feel as if it will not be like that of the past , thought their is happiness and pain , I feel like something good is in the wind and I do not wish to lose that feeling.” 

I walked down the hall holding the basket close , it warmed my heart that little Legolas had thought of me and the king had presented the gift personally , he could have ordered the kitten sent to my house yet he didn’t . I don’t know why but I was glad that he decided to do it personally I gently placed the basket on my chair by my dresser and undressed quickly , how I detested cool air against my skin , I slipped into my crimson robe and folded my gown placing it on my bed. I heard the rustling of paper and I looked over to see the kitten had climbed out of the basket and was trying to make it’s way over to me , My heart melted at the sight. I walked over and gently picked her up holding her to my chest. 

“ Your just a little baby aren’t you “ 

I hate to admit it , but the voice I used talking to the kitten was indeed a very babyish voice and unfitting of an Advisor but .. I was at home so I guessed it wouldn’t hurt to be a bit unprofessional and so I poured a glass of wine and settled down to my paper work keeping the kitten close. One thing for sure was it was the best night I had spent in years and the company was very welcome.


End file.
